Abandoned - Herenow

Q. Talk about it! I feel abandoned when / because:

I feel abandoned when there doesn't seem to be anyone who can really listen. I like to think that I listen well but when I need to talk about things it always seems to go back to the other person.

Q. Sometimes in life we may actually be abandoned by those who love us. Other times we just feel that way. It can seem like a void in your life where once there was someone to fill it. What do you feel is lacking when companionship or help is withdrawn, and where can you find it elsewhere? Things happen for a reason. What are some of the objective explanations for this situation?

I don't know, that seems to be the problem. Maybe I don't assert myself enough, maybe I'm not able to just talk about myself the way other people do so that it sounds important enough to get their attention.

Q. Is there anything you can do to fill this void yourself? For example; physical activities, journaling, hobbies, etc.

I try to have some activities to get out there and interact with other people but I don't want to just start talking about my stuff with any of them. I guess there are groups that would be comfortable with more personal topics so that could be a possibility...

Q. How would you like to feel after you better understand the experience you've gone through?

I would like to feel connected to someone who feels comfortable talking to me and I could talk to them when I feel the need.

Q. Who would you be with and what would you be doing together?

I think it would be nice to meet up once in a while and just talk about what's going on. The problem with not having someone is that the need seems to grow if there isn't that release. It would be nice to just chat about things while feeling safe doing it.

Q. Talk about the situation that made you feel alone, unloved or unwanted. Just go on, focussing on how it makes you feel. Let it out. It's important to understand how you don't want to feel in order to better understand how you do want to feel.

I think I need someone to brainstorm with or just talk about what's going on inside my mind. It's one thing to talk to myself, which I find very important but I need to talk to another person too, maybe just to hear myself and get some feedback, exchange ideas etc.

Q. How does feeling this way impact/affect your life

It makes me feel like I'm on my own when there are people everywhere. Probably a lot of them thinking the same thing...

Q. Describe your actions and the situation you were in when you first felt the emotion?

Well it's Christmas time and it just seems that everyone has a lot of things to do in preparation for being with family and friends. I know it's not always as nice as it seems. I guess I'm just thinking about the closeness of being with others at this time.

Yes I agree Herenow,  it is rare to find someone who is able to actively listen. I took a course in counselling once and the main skill that was focussed on was just listening, paraphrasing and giving relevent feedback. I read a quote once that stated it was a high compliment if a person really listened to you. In a lot of converstaions I feel like I have to hurry up with what I'm trying to say because I know that the other is impatiently waiting to tell their part. I often wonder if maybe some people don't really listen to themselves and thus have a need to tell it again and again in different ways in a hope that someone is able to decipher what they're 'really' saying. Hard to do if there is no chance for pause, reflection and questioning, and so the record repeats itself. I wish you luck in finding some of these people and don't forget to return the compliment when it happens. Cheers


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- Thomas Szasz
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- Cherie Carter-Scott

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Some helpful guidelines
Knowing yourself means to be in good company when you're alone.  It is being who you are, without
 We exist in comparison or 'relative' to everything else (which affects how we feel about ourselv
"Listening, not imitation may be the greatest form of flattery"  - Joyce Brothers
It has been said that communication is the cause of and solution to most of life's problems/chall
All of life is motion, nothing stands still.

Question of the month

Are you doing what you want?

My life is great!
25% (1 vote)
Life's good but...
50% (2 votes)
I need to make changes to get to where I want to be
25% (1 vote)
Total votes: 4